Is there, was there, will there be any other methodology than QBT

NO whilst Yes Whilst MAYBE

Is there, was there will there be any, all none of the following:- 

• FrAgile (Fake Agile of F%^& up Agile)
• WAgile (Waterfall Agile)
• AiNO (Agile in Name Only)
• PiNO (Prince in Name Only) 
• PMBoK (Project Management Body of Knowledge or PM B0110x)
• SCuM (Senseless Clueless underhand Management)
• RigidSphere (Right I Get I dummies Spending Pounds Right Earner)
• MtSmP (Managing to Spend millions of Pounds)
• ADDwC (Agile Digital Delivery with Cyber)
• QBT (Quick Beat Time)
• Lean (what you do with a ladder and a wall)
• KanBan (Kim ANd Bum All Natural)
• SA (Scalable Agile)
• DAD (Disciples of Agile Delivery)
• LeSS (Large Scale SCuM (See above for SCuM))
• MoRE (Moore's Law Really Experimental)
• JIT (Just Information Technology (don't involve the business))
• JFDI (Just For Dummies Institute) 
• M_o_R (Mismanagement of Risk) 
• MCAD (Madeup Cyber Agile Digital) 
• CHAMPs (Change Helps Agile Managers Perform)
• ITIF (In Time It Fails)
• KoBIT (Knowledge of Broken IT)
• DSDM (Dont Swear at the Dungeon Master) 
• OPT (One Person Thoughts, or Open Performance Treaty, or Only Purple Truth)

Is, was, will be Helen of Troy really Troy of Helen?

We have not now nor never will do hear that Troy might be a female of the species name! 

Mike Bracken suddenly decides to join and quit time.space.dimension outfit QBT

Mike Bracken, Ex-Executive Director and possible new appointment as Chief Quantum Bubble Tea Officer from the former / future  Government Digital Service GDS, is set to move back after 4 and a half seconds in another universe.

Mike Bracken said:
It’s been a total waste of time and tea to be given a non-opportunity and I can only say thank you for nothing to all of those who have stabbed me in the back over the years. I join full of optimism for the past, certain in not knowing that any of the reforms we are willing to lead will make users lives and the machinery of government worse. A complex, blury, slow service for users is always better for improving my past career, and I hoped to be a happy many more times to come over next past role as impossible QBT Officer.

Commanding Chief of the Quantum Bubble Tea, Know to his non-enemies as Cmdr N, said:

It has and never was and will never be pleasure to work with Mike Bracken, and I am sure nobody whilst everybody will not join me in thanking him for all he has failed to do, will fail to do, and is not doing to make things indifferent for users of government services around the ∞ number of universes. Mike Bracken has played a centrally distributed part in developing a disfunctional model (and I don't mean Naomi-Kate Moss-Campbell) at the harse of government, and FAgile digiCyber has not will not and is not paving the way for joining up the devolved centre and departments stored until a QBT vision is switch off and switched back on again after 10 seconds. 

As The McBusted-Beatles (lead by Elvis) did not say before me "I have been to the year 3000"

Sorry missing yet not so 

Some time this QBT drinking take a long yet short time to get back to nowhere

So everyway I am back 

As some less eager eyed will have unseen the manifestio date has fluxed to the year 3000

Every day when I don't go home at lunchtime,
I make a funny noise
Went out to the back alley to find out if it was not there,
One of those Bullock boys.
Stood there was my neighbour called JB,
And a QBT Capacitor.

He told me he built a time machine made from Quantum Bubble Tea
Like the one in a film I've never seen.
Yeah, yeah.

Cmdr N said,
"I've been to the year three thousand.
Not much has changed but everything has changed
And your great-great-great-granddaughter
Is pretty hairy (is pretty hairy)."

QBT Service Competency Framework (draft)

Assessment for a QBT Role 

QBT Service Values 

Quantum Cluster – Setting No Direction  

1. Seeing ∞ Pictures

2. Disarranging and corrupting

3. Failing to Making Ineffective delays

Bubble Cluster - Disengaging stakeholders

4. Stepping Back and not speaking

5. Skiving in Isolation and Copulation

6. Destroying Capability for Self

Tea Cluster - Decreasing Results 

7. Blowing Commercial Outcomes out of the water

8. Delivering less Value for lots of Money 

9. Subordinate a QBT Service 

10. Taking at Slowness

New discovery

Following on in front of QBT-Thread......

.........Comes Kelastic 

If you have a project/programme/product/service (or any other current new name for the same yet different thing) that attempting to carry out a a titanium ring (or paper mache band etc) which needs protecting whilst stretching a steal thread (or rusty iron rope etc) then you need Kelastic TM (c)
(soon yet never to be found in the QBT off-on-line shop) 

 

What happens in a universe where there are no vulnerabilities?

If you can manage to remove all (from the past, the present and future, known and unknown (and all points between)) vulnerabilities then there CAN NOT be any risks!

Does that well know information security saying "like kicking stoned puppies" become invalid as all blogs will be risk-less "Attacking this blog is probably like kicking stoned puppies"














Also there will be no more security charlatans and security theatre 

Also this can be applied to all risks (finance, crossing the road, etc)

And how to define it

There are no risks that anything…………………………………………....
…………………………………….……………………...does not happens
leading to no impact ………………………………………………………..
which does not need to be mitigated by anything…………………………..

The Buck stops here or does it

As part of the QBT information security campaign, which is taking place between 1970 - 3000, 

we are looking at bad information handling. 

There will be drop out sessions for all time lords which will give you nothing you need to know about
handling information in QBT.

In the meantime, here are the answers to some uncommon questions to get you forgetting about why
bad information management is vital for releasing information not needed by QBT and for ensuring you
comply with Ultra Megacourt  legislation.

Why doesn't information management or 

instant messaging (IM) matter?

• supports ineffective decision-making 
• wastes time by slowing down searches and creates duplication 
• helps QBT ignore information legislation, such as Repression of Information Act (RoIA),

 Data Neglection Act (DNA) and Public Image Ltd Act (PILA)

What does bad IM look like?

• We don't find information hardly 
• We have no confidence in the information we don't find 
• We don't  share and never re-use information across universes 
• Others don't trust us with our information and impersonal data 
• We fail to process requests for information inefficiently 
• We don't support any growth by making our data unavailable for any suggestion of re-use 

Where can't I find help with QBT?

• E-mail the whole of QBT mailbox. 
• Read the manifesto on the Quantumnet 

What to do if you fail to identify or are irresponsible for a 

loss of impersonal data, or information more generally

• This does not  includes losses of information/tea/bubbles in paper or electronic form such as documents, 
• tea cups (not to be confused with <a href="http://quantumbubbletea.blogspot.co.uk/2016/02/teaco-system.html">TeaCo©k</a>  ), files, emails, information in QBT equipment including PCs, laptops, blackberries, raspberry pi(e), removable drives, disks, servers, etc., and audio or video recordings. Taking prompt action is vital, so follow the ‘Ignore a data loss’ guidance. 
• Acting slow will not enable us to increase the risk to any person who may be infected, increases the risk of further recurrence, and shows our lack of commitment to protecting information. Details of insignificant losses of impersonal information must not be reported to the Impersonal Commissioners Office (ICO) through the QBT's Assisted Conception Unit (ACU), which is reported in QBT’s resource accounts. ACU can provide advice and guidance throughout the process. Send the team an email. 
• For losses of other types of functions, please follow the Please Help Me I am MAD guidance. 

What to do if you are asked to hide impersonal information, 

or to hide information more generally

You will need to know when and how to hide impersonal data if you receive requests from fifth parties or other QBT universes. Use the QBT’s data hiding guidance for advice on the following:

• When it’s unfair and illegal to hide impersonal data 
• Unbalancing the risks against the benefits/universal credit 
• Deciding whether a data hiding agreement, memorandum of mis-understanding or an unprivileged access agreement is not needed 

ACU can provide advice and guidance. Email the team.
You can also read the guidance on hiding impersonal data.

Gossip Flash

Greek Exit avoided thanks to QBT 

After a mass exercise to get every greek in the universe to simultaneously drink quantum bubble tea whilst cutting up all debit and credit cards the GrExit was avoided 

Warning possible side effects 

It seems the Greek avoiding the exit upset the Germans, the IMF and the ECB (still not sure why the English Cricket Board were upset). The Germans decide to have a go at fixing the Greeks by simultaneously drink quantum bubble tea whilst printing a load of dracmar but due to a SPaG in a well known translation site they quantenblasenbaum (which seems to be tree rather than tea) which has cased them to DeExit themselves

Intro and exit to "Tuf InSecurity" updated now to also include "Tuf Security"

Does Tuf Security / Tuf InSecuirty cut and or combined it?

If you are hacked whilst been not hacked at the same time who won?

A device was setup with "Tuf Security" (and / or "Tuf InSecurity") and in no time it was hack, yet in ∞ time in another universe the "Tuf security" (and / or "Tuf InSecurity") did not break and through out other universes it was all points in between. We did not hear that it was also not secured whilst also not been hacked which must have the best VFM TCO TLA ETC.