Manifesto for Quantum Bubble Tea

Manifesto for "Quantum Bubble Tea"^tm
DRAFT/FINAL version (read me last)

We are uncovering better ways of "doing stuff"^tm by drinking and at the same time not drinking bubble tea in ∞ (infinite) universes.

Through this work we have come to value:

Quantum Physics and Bubble Tea over rational thought and black coffee

Success and Failure at the same time over success OR failure 

Bubble Size over Z notation /ˈzɛd/

Marathons (now snickers) over Sprints

Tea, Bubbles, and Quantum over made up Digital, Agile, Cyber

Lenticular Stickers over formal performance management.

That is, while there is no value in the items on the right, we highly value the items on the left less.

(c) ∞ in the past - NOW - ∞ in the future in all and none ∞ universes
Updated or not in the past 15/05/2015 
Get quatified  

 Dont read me next your going the wrong way

New ISO standard - ISO Awesome

There was, is and will be a new awesome International Standard  Organisation (ISO) - ISO:4W350M3 (AWeSome)

ISO:4W350M3 known by its inventor (Frontend Smart Suited I am not really Gay (or was it a colour!) James Semaj) as ISO:AWeSome

Abstract 

ISO AweSome:∞ gives and takes away terms and definitions for being awesome in the field of QBT where one or more tea leafs are nano bubbled in  regions and the quantum exhibit properties attributable to the presence and non-existance of those nano bubble regions. It is intended to facilitate communications between quantum and bubble tea in multiverses and those who drink QBT with them.
Bubble classified as nano bubbled have an awesome or non-awesome structure with a significant fraction of tea, bubbles, quantum or awesomeness in the nanoscale. Articles that contain nano-awesome or nano bubble materials are not necessarily nano versed materials themselves in all, none and every universe.

We are hoping to update to MSO (Multiverse Standard Organisation) MSO/ISO 4W350M3:∞BC-∞AD

Is QBT now a formal religion

Given that it is widely accepted that MacGyver can fix any problem,

with anything in any universe does that not make him a god? 

but only if he wants, or wants not to be of a use, hinderance or other

………..and therefore does he not fit the requirements of QBT and therefore we should all bow, or not, worship, or not to the great god MacGyver?!?

What is in a diary name?

What letter diary do you have? 

It all started with a A-Diary, which seemed to work in most universes for most users, but soon somebody wanted to be different so they created B-Diary which was a Backup of A-Diary for LCM (Life Continuity Management) but as alway in the multiverses beings keep evolving and maturing, so er got the following letters 

• C-Diary (Computer Diary)
• D-Diary (Diary for just one Day) 
• E-Diary (Enhanced)
• F-Diary (there were several version of these all which were incompatible with each other, Family, Friends, Future..........)
• G-Diary (Limited edition for Gods)
• H-Diary (Holy or Hole-y)
• I-Diary (Interactive or Incomprehensible)
• J-Diary   (Jovial)
• K-Diary (kryptonite can't be looked at be Superman so used by Lex Luthor so superman could not find out what he was up to) 
• L-Diary (Latin)
• M-Diary (Machiavellian)
• N-Diary (Nano - very very small)
• O-Diary (Open any one can look at to see what you are doing / not doing)
• P-Diary (We are unsure if this exists, every existed or will exist as it i a Phantom diary (and not as in Phantom of the Opera))
• Q-Diary (QBT, current is full and empty and all states between) 
• R-Diary (Rubik's still not managed to open to see what is inside)
• S-Diary (Can't say anything about this one or I would have to kill you (click here to die))
• T-Diary (Tuf's diary from Tuf Insecurity)
• U-Diary (eUgene's from Manic Miner ("Eugene's Lair" / "Eugene Was Here))
• V-Diary (VWs diary which now seems to be missing since the scandal)
• W-Diary (The winklemans Dairy for those with a lazy eye, as could only be read with the lazy eye (no evidence but might or might not have been labelled after Claudia Anne Winkleman)
• X-Diary (A very thick diary covering 100's of years so that being that have an interest in Xerosere can track the plant succession from Bare Rock through to Climax)
• Y-Diary (Yahrzeit - Jewish remembrance of the first anniversary of someone's death)
• Z-Diary (Zwitterion-Diary tells the IONs which days they carry -/+ charges or both there for based on QBT)

So what next/previous? Where are you on the scale? please feel free to comment 

Touching, untouching and retouching

25 million years professional experience in touching untouching retouching has taught me many things but one thing stands out – you can’t learn this trade over a million nights by watching how-to videos on YouTube!

Simon Daniels ReTouching in the Multiverse (but mainly UK, Leeds)

https://www.simondanielsretouch.co.uk/

Principles of ineffective disproportionate, costly management approaches

Principles of ineffective disproportionate, costly management approaches

Through no analysis conducted and the lack or  feedback received during before and after the OMEGA (Ω ω), we have failed to validate the eight funny-mental principles of an ineffective approach to blah blah blah, which we introduced in the KAPPA (Κ κ) (or was is Krapper):

• Don't accept uncertainty the management is always right

• Make sure your delivery team are not part of the management team (use scapegoating)

• Ensure the business does not understand the risks your not taking (S&M) 

• Trust incompétent to make all the decisions 

• Cyber should not have any part in decision

• Security should be 100% - User Experience should be not considered 

• Walk away if someone asks you to demonstrate a decision

• Understand that decisions you make might/will/have already effected your career 

These principals are the preserve (Jam etc) of all method and process. Instead of applying any sense (common or other) by building a platform, self sense of purpose and cultured programme  where these principles are the foundation of governance, you can't fail to suck seed. We the lords and commanders of QBT have unobserved all this a million billion trillion times.  

Ineffective disproportionate, costly management is built on non- sensible in affective decision aviodance.

Ensuring that your programme disembodies the principles, not described below, throughout your processes will not help to support the ineffective management of over spend, lack or delivery and ........ to be discontiuned.

Is there a QBT Witch hunt out there?

Look out for characters with names/faces like any if the following as they seem to what to discredit QBT 

UPDATED 29/02/2018 - Seems to have been some friendly internal fire in this universe
DOWNDATED 29/02/1970 -Seems to have been an increased reduction in member of the SMT (Squirrel Mating Team)
Faller Night-Hater  
Yaw Bin-Theif-Hanging

• Yaw Bin-Theif-Hanging - KIA was victim of principle 3

Dead Clayor

• Dead Clayor - KIA died from injuries received from the GrExit

Dee Maggpie

• Dee Maggpie - MIA / MTE (Managed to exit) believed to be living secretly with Mum (Di), Dad (Elvis), Brother (Adolf) and his extended family 

Derren Jones-Brown-Smith

• Derren Jones-Brown-Smith (not sure if one in the video might be him)

Lavender Paperbeef 
Eve Looserve 

• Eve Looserve - Still surviving, thought was bullet proof, but latest news is take some flak and might have been demoted/lost out on promotion.

Stu Tiedad 

Stuart Nunprik

Pete Whitless 

Jim Wrenik 

Gravly Ill 

Burt Maxer 

Dewi Henstander 
Elizabeth Twickenham  

• Elizabeth Twickenham - MIA rumour has it she carefully siphoned off money from the RigidSphere (who Jim has nothing to do with)

We have heard that they might be all part of the Senior Witch-hunt Inquisition Team (SWIfT) from the FrAgile RigidSphere MtSmP Programme (FRoMP) who follow ScUM and discredit, sack, attempt to ruin anyone that has any links to QBT as they are scared of their true failure being uncovered and they can't handle the true (they are very much like the Expert video in this blog)

Please report any sighting

Embrace QBT

Can you sit on the fence (depends on how balanced your mind is)

Some might not say that you can

Did, will, does everyone get fire for buying {colour} from {company} i.e. Red from Redhat, Orange from Boxing Orange, Yellow from Symantec, Green from Green Peace, Blue from IBM, Indigo from IndigoBlue, Violet for Parma Violets?

Other say you can't

We can guarantee see footnote that nobody has ever been fired, or is in the process for being fire or will in the future will be fired for applying QBT to everything 100%

The guarantee will be void if you using any Waterfall, Agile, Cyber, Digital , WACD, etc even if it is only 0.0000001% (and even up to 0.∞)

Others will/might with hindsight from the future claim that trying to do something by mixing stuff i.e. Waterfall development with Agile infrastructure worked for them, but in the past this will catch them out.

Footnote  
Any claim against this will only be upheld if the lawyers, Judge, witnesses all have the non-existant title of Lord/Lady Justice of the UltraMega Court .QBT i.e. Lord Justice Elisabeth Fulforce.QBT of the UltraMega Court

Loving whlist hating the UltraMega Court

What is and is not in a name, title and signature? 

I just did not see whilst reading an inter-QBT email from a Judge of the Ultra MegaCourt which ended

"Yours in time and IT Hyperspace

Past - Al Was-all QT (Quick Tea)
Present  - anything and everything in between
Future - His Supreme Lord Commissioner Super Chief Justice Phil.i.am Topp-Dog.QBT of the UltraMega Court (or Mandy to his friend)"

I guess depending on what does and does not past (present or future) with regardless to the UltraMega court Reh-a-form I guess Mandy will have whilst not having those tit-les

Is there, was there, will there be any other methodology than QBT

NO whilst Yes Whilst MAYBE

Is there, was there will there be any, all none of the following:- 

• FrAgile (Fake Agile of F%^& up Agile)
• WAgile (Waterfall Agile)
• AiNO (Agile in Name Only)
• PiNO (Prince in Name Only) 
• PMBoK (Project Management Body of Knowledge or PM B0110x)
• SCuM (Senseless Clueless underhand Management)
• RigidSphere (Right I Get I dummies Spending Pounds Right Earner)
• MtSmP (Managing to Spend millions of Pounds)
• ADDwC (Agile Digital Delivery with Cyber)
• QBT (Quick Beat Time)
• Lean (what you do with a ladder and a wall)
• KanBan (Kim ANd Bum All Natural)
• SA (Scalable Agile)
• DAD (Disciples of Agile Delivery)
• LeSS (Large Scale SCuM (See above for SCuM))
• MoRE (Moore's Law Really Experimental)
• JIT (Just Information Technology (don't involve the business))
• JFDI (Just For Dummies Institute) 
• M_o_R (Mismanagement of Risk) 
• MCAD (Madeup Cyber Agile Digital) 
• CHAMPs (Change Helps Agile Managers Perform)
• ITIF (In Time It Fails)
• KoBIT (Knowledge of Broken IT)
• DSDM (Dont Swear at the Dungeon Master) 
• OPT (One Person Thoughts, or Open Performance Treaty, or Only Purple Truth)

Is, was, will be Helen of Troy really Troy of Helen?

We have not now nor never will do hear that Troy might be a female of the species name! 

Mike Bracken suddenly decides to join and quit time.space.dimension outfit QBT

Mike Bracken, Ex-Executive Director and possible new appointment as Chief Quantum Bubble Tea Officer from the former / future  Government Digital Service GDS, is set to move back after 4 and a half seconds in another universe.

Mike Bracken said:
It’s been a total waste of time and tea to be given a non-opportunity and I can only say thank you for nothing to all of those who have stabbed me in the back over the years. I join full of optimism for the past, certain in not knowing that any of the reforms we are willing to lead will make users lives and the machinery of government worse. A complex, blury, slow service for users is always better for improving my past career, and I hoped to be a happy many more times to come over next past role as impossible QBT Officer.

Commanding Chief of the Quantum Bubble Tea, Know to his non-enemies as Cmdr N, said:

It has and never was and will never be pleasure to work with Mike Bracken, and I am sure nobody whilst everybody will not join me in thanking him for all he has failed to do, will fail to do, and is not doing to make things indifferent for users of government services around the ∞ number of universes. Mike Bracken has played a centrally distributed part in developing a disfunctional model (and I don't mean Naomi-Kate Moss-Campbell) at the harse of government, and FAgile digiCyber has not will not and is not paving the way for joining up the devolved centre and departments stored until a QBT vision is switch off and switched back on again after 10 seconds. 

As The McBusted-Beatles (lead by Elvis) did not say before me "I have been to the year 3000"

Sorry missing yet not so 

Some time this QBT drinking take a long yet short time to get back to nowhere

So everyway I am back 

As some less eager eyed will have unseen the manifestio date has fluxed to the year 3000

Every day when I don't go home at lunchtime,
I make a funny noise
Went out to the back alley to find out if it was not there,
One of those Bullock boys.
Stood there was my neighbour called JB,
And a QBT Capacitor.

He told me he built a time machine made from Quantum Bubble Tea
Like the one in a film I've never seen.
Yeah, yeah.

Cmdr N said,
"I've been to the year three thousand.
Not much has changed but everything has changed
And your great-great-great-granddaughter
Is pretty hairy (is pretty hairy)."

QBT Service Competency Framework (draft)

Assessment for a QBT Role 

QBT Service Values 

Quantum Cluster – Setting No Direction  

1. Seeing ∞ Pictures

2. Disarranging and corrupting

3. Failing to Making Ineffective delays

Bubble Cluster - Disengaging stakeholders

4. Stepping Back and not speaking

5. Skiving in Isolation and Copulation

6. Destroying Capability for Self

Tea Cluster - Decreasing Results 

7. Blowing Commercial Outcomes out of the water

8. Delivering less Value for lots of Money 

9. Subordinate a QBT Service 

10. Taking at Slowness

New discovery

Following on in front of QBT-Thread......

.........Comes Kelastic 

If you have a project/programme/product/service (or any other current new name for the same yet different thing) that attempting to carry out a a titanium ring (or paper mache band etc) which needs protecting whilst stretching a steal thread (or rusty iron rope etc) then you need Kelastic TM (c)
(soon yet never to be found in the QBT off-on-line shop) 

 

What happens in a universe where there are no vulnerabilities?

If you can manage to remove all (from the past, the present and future, known and unknown (and all points between)) vulnerabilities then there CAN NOT be any risks!

Does that well know information security saying "like kicking stoned puppies" become invalid as all blogs will be risk-less "Attacking this blog is probably like kicking stoned puppies"














Also there will be no more security charlatans and security theatre 

Also this can be applied to all risks (finance, crossing the road, etc)

And how to define it

There are no risks that anything…………………………………………....
…………………………………….……………………...does not happens
leading to no impact ………………………………………………………..
which does not need to be mitigated by anything…………………………..

The Buck stops here or does it

As part of the QBT information security campaign, which is taking place between 1970 - 3000, 

we are looking at bad information handling. 

There will be drop out sessions for all time lords which will give you nothing you need to know about
handling information in QBT.

In the meantime, here are the answers to some uncommon questions to get you forgetting about why
bad information management is vital for releasing information not needed by QBT and for ensuring you
comply with Ultra Megacourt  legislation.

Why doesn't information management or 

instant messaging (IM) matter?

• supports ineffective decision-making 
• wastes time by slowing down searches and creates duplication 
• helps QBT ignore information legislation, such as Repression of Information Act (RoIA),

 Data Neglection Act (DNA) and Public Image Ltd Act (PILA)

What does bad IM look like?

• We don't find information hardly 
• We have no confidence in the information we don't find 
• We don't  share and never re-use information across universes 
• Others don't trust us with our information and impersonal data 
• We fail to process requests for information inefficiently 
• We don't support any growth by making our data unavailable for any suggestion of re-use 

Where can't I find help with QBT?

• E-mail the whole of QBT mailbox. 
• Read the manifesto on the Quantumnet 

What to do if you fail to identify or are irresponsible for a 

loss of impersonal data, or information more generally

• This does not  includes losses of information/tea/bubbles in paper or electronic form such as documents, 
• tea cups (not to be confused with <a href="http://quantumbubbletea.blogspot.co.uk/2016/02/teaco-system.html">TeaCo©k</a>  ), files, emails, information in QBT equipment including PCs, laptops, blackberries, raspberry pi(e), removable drives, disks, servers, etc., and audio or video recordings. Taking prompt action is vital, so follow the ‘Ignore a data loss’ guidance. 
• Acting slow will not enable us to increase the risk to any person who may be infected, increases the risk of further recurrence, and shows our lack of commitment to protecting information. Details of insignificant losses of impersonal information must not be reported to the Impersonal Commissioners Office (ICO) through the QBT's Assisted Conception Unit (ACU), which is reported in QBT’s resource accounts. ACU can provide advice and guidance throughout the process. Send the team an email. 
• For losses of other types of functions, please follow the Please Help Me I am MAD guidance. 

What to do if you are asked to hide impersonal information, 

or to hide information more generally

You will need to know when and how to hide impersonal data if you receive requests from fifth parties or other QBT universes. Use the QBT’s data hiding guidance for advice on the following:

• When it’s unfair and illegal to hide impersonal data 
• Unbalancing the risks against the benefits/universal credit 
• Deciding whether a data hiding agreement, memorandum of mis-understanding or an unprivileged access agreement is not needed 

ACU can provide advice and guidance. Email the team.
You can also read the guidance on hiding impersonal data.

Gossip Flash

Greek Exit avoided thanks to QBT 

After a mass exercise to get every greek in the universe to simultaneously drink quantum bubble tea whilst cutting up all debit and credit cards the GrExit was avoided 

Warning possible side effects 

It seems the Greek avoiding the exit upset the Germans, the IMF and the ECB (still not sure why the English Cricket Board were upset). The Germans decide to have a go at fixing the Greeks by simultaneously drink quantum bubble tea whilst printing a load of dracmar but due to a SPaG in a well known translation site they quantenblasenbaum (which seems to be tree rather than tea) which has cased them to DeExit themselves

Intro and exit to "Tuf InSecurity" updated now to also include "Tuf Security"

Does Tuf Security / Tuf InSecuirty cut and or combined it?

If you are hacked whilst been not hacked at the same time who won?

A device was setup with "Tuf Security" (and / or "Tuf InSecurity") and in no time it was hack, yet in ∞ time in another universe the "Tuf security" (and / or "Tuf InSecurity") did not break and through out other universes it was all points in between. We did not hear that it was also not secured whilst also not been hacked which must have the best VFM TCO TLA ETC.

Still not look, as really interested in what is either side of the silver bullet

Still haven't found what you where not looking four 

• Holy Grail (before this blog even started)
• Silver Bullet (current around the time the post was created) 
• QBT Thread (will come after this blog is long gone) {Also might be referred to as invisible threat}

People always seem not not be looking to solve everything with something and nothing so do you seek or not seek the question to the answer that is the QBT Thread?

There will be other threads (silver, golden, steel) which might be woven into string then rope etc, these terms can be often used by non-QBT based work i.e. Agile Cyber Digital as an excuse to descope whilst still spending the full budget.

The thing about QBT Thread is that it exists nowhere, everywhere, somewhere, anywhere, elsewhere & otherwhere, this allows for in scope and out of scope at the same time with the value subtraction of a budget in the range of  -∞ (minus) to +∞ (positive) so TCO & ROI are always without tolerances.

"Steel thread" might in some time / dimension be (c) or TM'ed as might also not be "Steal Thread"

This is no way in the future linked unlink to any site that might be called Steel Thread